top of page
Search

Self-care during Hardship

Writer's picture: AJ GajjarAJ Gajjar

*Written by guest author, Chavisa Horemans, of The Mother Corp.*


Parenting means having enough in our tanks to look after our child(ren).


When you involved in a relationship dissolution, and particularly during high-conflict separation and divorce, self-care tends to take a back seat.  However, this is the critical  time to gather effective resources and strategies to amplify fundamental self-care.  When we look after ourselves thoughtfully, we have more abilities and energy to look after our precious child(ren).

 

To look after oneself during adversity is an invitation to engage in next level self-care. 

 

Conflict and abuse, especially from a former person you were bonded with, emotionally attached to, and were intimate with – from sharing emotional intimacy including personal information and sharing dreams with, to sharing physical intimacy – can evoke a wide range of challenging feelings and experiences.

 

Separation and divorce produces a mass influx of change.  Relationship dissolution takes many forms:  The social divorce. The emotional divorce.  The legal divorce that involves complex language, parameters and repercussions.  The financial divorce, and even the impact on your work life.  All of which can create issues and problems that need to be addressed and decisions that need to be made.  To get resourced to undertake this work is self-care.

 

Finding and using resources like a trauma-informed coach, especially one like me that specializes in parents in high-conflict divorce with expertise in gender-based violence, hidden abuse, financial abuse, and post-separation abuse means that you get effective insider support that knows the terrain and can help you process, navigate, problem-solve and make good informed decisions.  This can be imperative because often family and friends can’t understand the complexity and power dynamics and so they may be unable to provide engaged support and accompaniment.  In light of this, investing in getting yourself resourced with a specialized trauma-informed coach can increase relief, connection and hope.

 

In my work with parents in the midst of high-conflict and extracting themselves from abuse, there is often another layer of trying to navigate legalities to try and secure safety and wellbeing.  A lot of the trauma-informed work I provide involves realistically understanding, processing, and navigating big institutions, like the justice system and child safety.  Involvement in these institutions adds another layer of complexity, challenge, and often trauma and grieving.  Considering that these institutions usually are expensive, time-consuming extended processes, and because of the longevity and implications of the decisions and Orders made, it is imperative to have someone, like my trauma-informed coach service, who understands the nuances of this terrain so that you can process all the layers of complexity.  While friends and family may try to offer support, they also may simultaneously need to educated about the terrain you are in, which creates another layer of energy expenditure.  A coach alleviates this burden because they are a skilled insider who gets it. 

 

As a term self-care may be misconstrued as selfish. This is not bubble baths and nails (those are extras).  The kind of self-care I am discussing is fundamental self-care.  Feeding yourself nutrient-rich food to keep yourself cellularly healthy.  Ensuring maintaining your micro-minerals because they are depleted by extended stress.  The value of consulting an appropriate professional to get professional-grade vitamins that buffer your system that is being taxed.  Safely dispelling stress through regular exercise.  Exercise is a great way, from walking to swimming to gentle muscle building activities, to expel stressors. All the better if exercise is undertaken in nature.  Nature restores and connects us to the beyond-human realm and the immensity of being alive.  But more so, time in nature – even putting your feet in grass or being close to water like a river, lake or ocean – helps us get present, recalibrate, release and metabolize. Being outside helps give space and time for gaining perspective and working through conundrums.

 

We often forget in the midst of a conflict, especially a high-conflict dispute, that this will end.  Extended legal processes can be arduous.  A different reality is up ahead at the end of this challenge.  I will note, in my work with people going through divorce, I also work with them to recover and rebuild in order to create the next chapter of a life you love. 

 

As we make our way through the tunnel we find ourselves in, thoroughly considered self-care means taking care of our emotional, mental, physical and spiritual selvesBy nurturing ourselves and taking heightened care of ourselves we replenish ourselves and build up our relationship with ourselves.  We can affirm we are reliable, dependable, and work hard to stay in good relations with ourselves.  This really helps set up the foundation for the next life we are going to create. 

 

By engaging with comprehensive self-care , we have more in our tank for our precious children, who are also going through their own challenges.  Adversity is an invitation to model comprehensive self-care to our child(ren).  In doing so, we look after ourselves and accelerate our parenting.




Chavisa Horemans, MES, CDC, CTRC

Chavisa Horemans is a subject-matter expert in trauma-informed services, drawing from personal experience, education, and professional training. Her trauma-informed practice is evidence-based and holistic.  She holds an interdisciplinary Master’s degree in social sciences, and a Graduate Diploma in adult education.  She is certified as a Trauma Recovery Practitioner (CTRC) with ongoing training in trauma-informed interventions. Chavisa is a Certified Divorce Coach (CDC, ICF) specializing in parents in high-conflict disputes, gender-based violence, hidden abuse, and post-separation abuse.  This allows her to offer tailored, holistic, comprehensive solutions to her clients.

 

Please join my community for individuals: join me here to get started.

 

For professionals, click here to get started.

 

If this resonates, please reach out.

If you know someone who would benefit, please share this with them.

 

47 views0 comments

Comments


  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn

©2025 by The Trauma Healing Parent.

bottom of page