Archaic, slow moving, lumbering giants.
Slow to change. Resistant to doing things differently.
Dinosaurs evolved over millions of years. Family law, albeit a much younger beast, has yet to do so.
I don’t know about you, but if I were living in the age of the dinosaurs, trying to enlighten and educate them about why they shouldn’t terrorize me and my children, why what they are doing is wrong, and why trying to eat me and my children is a bad idea would not be my go-to.
My go-to would be to run. Run like hell. And teach my children to run too. And if we can’t run, then we outsmart it. I teach them tactics, strategies, contingencies and tools. I teach them how to survive in spite of the threat. To use their instincts to help them stay safe.
Many of you who have found yourselves in a high-conflict, maladaptive co-parenting dynamic get stuck. Stuck in the injustice. Stuck in the search for finding someone – anyone that will help you get the justice for your children and the abuse they endure.
But while you are consumed in our futile search, your children are floundering. Floundering because now they not only have one parent who doesn’t have the capacity to meet their needs (the maladaptive parent), but another parent who is using all of their energy in the fight for justice and has little left to be present with their children.
The intention is noble.
Yet there comes a point where it becomes important to recognize the reality of what you are faced with. What you can change and what you can’t. And what course of action to choose in any given moment.
You can choose to re-focus your time with your children and all the energy you can muster to parent in a way that can heal their trauma, and build their resiliency to future trauma. You can choose to “Parent Differently”.
You can enhance your relationship with them so that your relationship itself becomes a catalyst to heal your children's trauma. Together, you can create a Trauma-Healing environment – to which they can always return to feel safe, valued and loved. A space for them to regroup and recharge.
You can minimize ALL other distractions. Anyone and anything that takes your focus away from what you believe is your most important job – to create and hold space for your children to continue to grow, develop and thrive.
You can choose to leave the fight of immense injustices the family law, courts and even some mental health professionals are imposing on your children. Injustices that can leave them with a multitude of scars, traumas and challenges to face now, and in the years to come.
That is what Trauma Healing Parenting is. A consolidation of research-based tools and approaches rooted in neurobiology, developmental psychology, early childhood trauma and attachment research. An approach that teaches parents how to “Parent Differently” so they can help their children stay safe and healthy. Regardless of everything that is or isn’t happening “out there”.
Back to the dinosaurs…I assume that a human beings greatest chance of not being eaten would be if the dinos found another food source. But I would leave that to the experts to trial and error. I can tell you that I undoubtedly wouldn’t be the one to teach them that there is a better food source out there for them than humans!
I believe fight of justice for children in the capable hands of incredible individuals, organizations and movements who have dedicated their lives to it. I continue to support everything they do.
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